I have a confession to make. I haven’t published any blog posts in the month of March. The reason wasn’t because of laziness or procrastination. I basically caught a cold case of the blues that lasted the whole 31 days of March. Why? Well, I wasn’t aware of the cause early on but I knew it stemmed from it being my birthday month.

My whole life, I’ve always been a lover of birthdays. Each year I’d plan a celebratory occasion with family and friends. For some strange reason however, I wasn’t anticipating the one in 2016. Everyday I would wake up feeling a little melancholy and didn’t know why.  As my birthday, March 15th, started approaching, this melancholy feeling grew more intense. Some days I would start crying out of nowhere. It frustrated me to the core! I’m the type of person that’s not too fond of being down or allowing others to see me at a low point. On top of that, I had no idea why I was having this joyless moment of self-reflection.

March was a roller coaster of unwanted emotions. I kept them bottled up and didn’t have the desire to share them with anyone with the exception of one individual, God. I’m a believer and I pray every single day. The bulk of my prayers are about my love ones, asking for forgiveness, and expressing my gratitude of my blessings. But for this month, I was in need of some clarity and strength to get through whatever I was going through. As the days kept passing by, March 15th finally came. Assuming that this will be the most depressing day ever, surprisingly, I was wrong.

I woke up that Tuesday morning, thanked God for allowing me to see another year, and decided to just spend the day to myself. As I was making my way to my kitchen for coffee, I spotted a cute little surprise sitting on top of the dining room table. It was a bouquet of flowers with balloons given to me by my mom; shout out to her! It was a great way to start off my day.

The rest of my birthday consisted of thoughtful gestures, phone calls, text messages, emails, and even an unexpected Edible Arrangement delivery. The day concluded with a simple, yet, meaningful evening with most of my favorite people eating ice cream and cake. March 15, 2016 turned out to be a pleasant surprise. It was a reminder of how loved I was by all of these amazing people in my life.

After my birthday, things were better but I still felt uncertain. I started questioning myself towards the actions I’ve been making. I always strive to be righteous and work hard for the things I want but I wasn’t reaping any benefits. I was feeling unhappy and wondered if my best was even good enough.

I couldn’t continue dwelling in sorrow, so I started attempting to find solutions. My first step was to be completely honest with myself. I dreaded this birthday because of time. The upsetting part is that I’m not doing any of the things I sought out to be doing at my current age. Time is slipping away and it seems as though the older I get the more time speeds up. I’m a college graduate that’s been living the past couple of years working for various individuals making little to nothing as far as income goes. Two years have flew by and I’m still drowning in student loan debt, can barely afford to take care of myself, and still living at home with my mom. I was very disappointed with myself and worried about my future.

As I started to come to grasp with my issues and prayed on it, that’s when I received a gratifying revelation. I realized that it’s okay to not understand everything right now. Sounds quite confusing so allow me to elaborate. We all have some sort of purpose to fulfill, but you have to go through a few storms in order to become who you truly are. During those uncertain periods in your life, be grateful for what you have and remember that God is just positioning you for a greater blessing down the line. Later on, everything will start to make sense. All you have to do is be patient, work hard towards your aspirations, and most importantly have faith.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

For those who have similar concerns, you are not alone. It is my hope that by sharing my current situation I could motivate others to remain strong and have patience. Although I’m still going through my storms, if I didn’t experience my “March Madness” episode, you wouldn’t even be reading this blog post.

“Eventually all the pieces will fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, & know that everything happens for a reason.” -Unknown

God Bless 🙂

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